To sleep or not to sleep (on first dates)

To sleep or not to sleep (on first dates)

That is the question, or is it?

S ince this is our first blog post I feel like there is a need to explain how this idea came about. I remember sitting in a hipster bar in town after movie and dinner with Faithful opportunist (FO), talking about relationships over beer with punny names. We often have different opinions on things and it was particularly strong over this question: to sleep or not to sleep on first dates? After much heated debate we couldn’t come to a conclusion. We have been thinking about starting a blog, and so I thought, why not start with a debate on whether it’s a good idea to have sex on first dates?

To sleep or not to sleep (on first dates)

Well I have to admit I haven’t been in the dating game for long. After getting out of a long-term relationship for a while, I decided to try online dating and managed to hit it off with the first person I met on an app, I did go out on dates with other people too, but I already fell for the first guy.

Anyway, when I was going on dates with people I met online, I had this “no sex on first dates” rule, and I was not afraid to let my dates know about it. I just wanted to make it clear upfront. So why did I have this rule? I’m sure I didn’t invent this by myself, but my reason behind was quite simple – I wanted to make sure that my dates wanted to see me at least once again so I know they are not just after a hookup.

As random as my rule might have seem at the time, as I read on about relationships, it makes even more sense to me. I have seen more than one dating advice column say that you should sleep with a guy only when he is committed to you, if you’re looking for a relationship, that is. Some might say that it’s men’s instinct to hunt, and hence you have to make them chase.

My theory is that men’s ultimate goal in a relationship is to have sex – I’m not saying they don’t want other things, but sex is definitely a goal for them. If a relationship is a competition, then sex is the prize. What do you do if you get the prize BEFORE a race? Would you even care about the race? Probably not right, what’s the point?

Now I’m not saying that people should hold out on sex as a way to manipulate other people into committing to them. I’m just saying that to have a relationship and not a hookup you chinalovecupid need to allow time for two people to get to know each other and develop deeper feelings, and the risk of losing that time is a lot larger if you go all the way on a first date.

M en are wired biologically to have this urge to spread their seeds, if sex happens on a first date then this biological need is fulfilled, and unless you have already shown him on the date that you have a lot more to offer, he won’t have much incentive to start a relationship.

People always treasure things they have worked hard for more, rather than things that were handed to them without them having made any effort. This is true for both men and women. Think about the first mobile phone or the first item / trip / meal that you had to save up or spent all summer working to get enough money to pay for, do you still remember what it was? Does it give you fonder memories than any other similar things you bought later on?

Rarity is a tactic that brands often use also, products are perceived to have higher value if they are rare and hard to get. For ladies, it’s like a Birkin handbag, hell there are even articles written to teach people “How to buy your first Hermes Birkin”. And for men, doesn’t that limited edition Porsche 911 GT3 RS4.0 make you drool? (I have no idea how rare this is but I believe in the power of google)

To sleep or not to sleep on first dates, that is NOT the question. The question is, do you want a hookup or a relationship?

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